An Argument For (or Is It Against?) the Great Chivalry Debate

Chivalry: an issue that has plagued the Internet of late. I see it everywhere. Hell, I’ve even written about it in not so many words.

You know why it gets so much attention?

Because it’s an issue that causes most people to pay attention, and nearly everyone has an opinion. Whether you’re a feminist or an asshole, it’s more than likely that you have an opinion on chivalry.

The arguments

Maybe you haven’t seen all of the posts written on the subject. I scoured the Internet for the best of the best, along with many I’d already read.

Why Chivalry Is Dead, From A Man’s Perspective

This article, while interesting, blames women. I’m not a feminist, he just flat out blames women, sharing none of the blame with men. He had me up to the point where he did this:

The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum.

Are we not asking enough of men? Of course. Is that our fault? Absolutely. But it’s just an excuse. Men should be holding themselves accountable for this nonsense, too.

Chivalry is dying out because CONFUSED men don’t want to be seen as patronising

Yes, I know the modern woman is very, very intimidating. But most of us – 93% according to this article – appreciate chivalry in some form or another.

Can I open a door by myself? Yes. Do I get slighty skeeved out when a man offers to do it instead? Maybe. But I still appreciate it at the end of the day.

Competitive advantage: Chivalry and the Modern Man

I’ll preface this by saying, I love love LOVE this blogger. He’s also a native New Englander and I appreciate his take on relationships.

That being said, this particular post is geared more toward teaching the “modern man” how to be chivalrous.

He speaks to the subtle things men can do in order to not patronize women with overwhelming amounts of kind behavior. I agree with pretty much everything he has to say here.

A side issue

Remember how everyone has an opinion? Writers are just sharing their opinions, too.

Sure, it makes us get all up in arms about their article and we then feel the need to discredit every minor argument to show that we know best. Unless of course we agree; then we post it all over the Internet.

(I’m not complaining about this, as I think a truly intelligent conversation is one of the reasons the Internet is amazing.)

The real issue

Like I said, women aren’t asking enough of men anymore, but men aren’t asking themselves enough either.

It’s not my job as a woman to constantly demand that a man acts like a gentleman, just as it isn’t his job to make sure I act like a lady. It’s both of our jobs.

I’m going to be brutally honest here. There are men out there who are just plain assholes; I know, I’ve met quite a few of them.

But there are also men who are gentleman; I also know this as I’ve met some of those too. (So as a side note, we’re going to have to stop complaining there aren’t enough “good guys” out there.) Similarly, there are girls who are ladies and those who, let’s be honest, are not.

We all accept the love (or lack thereof) that we put out in the world. So if I go out looking for love and accept a hookup? That’s on me. And I can’t blame men, women, or society for that. I can only blame myself. 

But if I go out looking for a hookup and accept one? Still on me, but at least I can rest easy knowing I got what I was openly looking for.

To take it a step further, what does chivalry really boil down to? Respect. And no one’s going to respect you unless you don’t respect yourself, first.

So how about we stop blaming each other for how we should and shouldn’t act and start with the basics: some honest to goodness respect for one another.